One Act Audio Theatre Presents
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY
"Cake
No Frosting"
CAST
NARRATOR
MARIE ANTOINETTE
THE JAILER
THE CROWD
THEME
MUSIC UP AND under
NARRATOR:
The One Act Players Present: Great
Moments in History!
music: theme fades
NARRATOR: Paris, 1793
MARIE: This way? Through here?
JAILER: Yes, Your Majesty
sfx:
footsteps, door opens, closes
MARIE: Oh, are we going for a ride?
JAILER: Yes, your Majesty.
MARIE: Splendid! Where is my carriage?
JAILER: Here, Your Majesty.
MARIE: That is not my gilded carriage.
That is a tumbrel from the cowsheds.
(Sniffs the unpleasant odor) It’s rather too rustic for me, I think.
JAILER: Get in, Your Majesty.
MARIE:
Oh, it is to be an adventure, then!
How delightful! I do so love
adventures! Just try and stop me …
(beat)
MARIE: Help me up.
JAILER: (effort of lifting Marie)
sfx:
tumbrel creaks as she gets in
MARIE: It will be so nice to get
outside again. I’ve been cooped up
inside ever since the day I met with the … the …
JAILER The tribunal, Your Majesty.
sfx:
horse’s and wheels of tumbrel under
MARIE: Yes! The tribunal. Well, that was the last time I was able to get out, and that’s most
unsatisfactory, most unsatisfactory. A
Queen must feel the wind blow from time to time for proper health, you know.
JAILER: As you say, Your Majesty.
MARIE: Why just yesterday I said
to Genevieve, “It’s been far too long since I’ve had a picnic. Come back tomorrow and I shall command them
to let us go.” And do you know what
she said to me?
JAILER: No, Your Majesty.
MARIE: She said, “Oh, Marie, it
shall be no picnic” and ran out of the room crying.
(beat)
MARIE: So, will our adventure include
a picnic?
JAILER: Not exactly, Your Majesty.
MARIE: I do so love picnics.
Once all the ladies at court went on a wonderful picnic.
We were pretending to be milkmaids, you see, and we rode in a cart
a lot like this one…except it was cleaner and all decorated with ribbons and
flowers … and didn’t smell so awful.
JAILER: As you say, Your Majesty.
MARIE: When we got to this little
park, there was a cow there, because we were all milkmaids, you see. A real,
live cow. At least they told me it
was a cow. Anyway, it had these things
dangling down. I wouldn’t touch them
myself. I had my maid Cosette do it,
and do you know what she said?
JAILER: What, Your Majesty?
MARIE: She said they felt just
like a girl would expect them to feel. (giggles)
I thought that was rather clever. Vulgar, but clever.
JAILER: As you say, Your Majesty.
UNFRIENDLY
crowd noise fade up under
MARIE: Oh, look, my subjects have
come out to greet me. Hello … Hello … So nice of you to come. Thank you, thank you. Hello … hello. Quite a lot of them today.
JAILER: As you say, Your Majesty.
MARIE:: I’ll let you in on a secret.
Sometimes I feel that I don’t understand the masses.
Why, I remember when some delegation or another came to the palace
and said the people had no bread. Like
I could do something! Do I
look like a baker?
JAILER: No, Your Majesty?
MARIE: No, certainly not. Do you know what I told them? I thought this was rather witty, actually.
I said, “Then let them –“
JAILER: “Eat cake.”
MARIE: You know?? Does everyone know?
JAILER: I believe so, Your Majesty.
(beat)
MARIE: That’s just marvelous!
Oh my, what a splendid break-through.
Louis will be thrilled. He
is so worried about our legacy.
sfx:
tumbrel sounds stop
MARIE: Are we there? I was just beginning to enjoy the ride. Oh, look … what is that up on the stage?
Oh! Oh! It’s a swing isn’t it?
And so unusually high. Help me down.
JAILER: (effort)
MARIE: I love to swing. We had quite a lovely one at Versailles, just
for me. The ladies used to take turns
pushing me. Do I go up this way?
JAILER: Yes, Your Majesty
sfx:
footsteps on wooden steps
MARIE: I’ve never had a swing like
this before. I don’t quite see where
to sit.
JAILER: Allow me, your majesty.
You kneel here and lean forward. Rest
your head there.
MARIE: Of course! Such an unusual swing would demand an unusual
posture! Now, then, does it go back
and forth?
JAILER: No, Your Majesty.
MARIE: (pouty) Oh. (hopeful)
Round and round?
JAILER No.
MARIE: (disappointed) Oh. (bright
again) Oooo, then surely it must go up and down?
JAILER: As you say, Your Majesty.
MARIE: I knew it! Something new and revolutionary, how exciting!
When does it start?
JAILER: Quite soon, Your Majesty.
MARIE: Very well. (giggles) “Let
them eat cake.” That was really quite
witty, really very amus—
sfx:
swoosh, chop, thud. A cheer from the crowd.
JAILER: As you say, Your Majesty.
music: pretentious theme up and under
NARRATOR:
Tune in again for more Great Moments in History!
end