A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 1
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
A SCANDAL IN BOHEMIA
by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Adaptation by Glenn Carlson and Scot Crisp
for One Act Audio Theatre
1 INT. NARRATION 1
SFX
MUSIC UP
WATSON
To my friend Sherlock Holmes she is
always the woman. I have seldom
heard him refer to her under any
other name. In his eyes, she
eclipses and predominates the whole
of her sex. I believe his feelings
for her were as close to love as his
precise and perfectly reasoning mind
would allow.
WATSON
When this case began, it had been
some time since I had seen Holmes.
After my marriage our paths crossed
less frequently, but I knew he
remained at our old lodgings, buried
among his books and instruments,
alternating between cocaine and
ambition. That he remained deeply
attracted to the study of crime there
was no doubt. I often noted his name
in the papers, associated with cases
abandoned as hopeless by the official
police.
SFX
MUSIC FADE OUT
WATSON
One Summer's night in '88, as I was
returning from a call to a patient, I
passed by the old door in Baker
Street.
SFX
VIOLIN SOLO UP
WATSON
I heard the strains of his violin,
glanced to the open window above,
and felt a keen desire to see Holmes
again. A quick knock at the door, up
the stairs, and I was in the presence
of my old friend.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 2
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
1 CONTINUED: 1
2 INT. BAKER STREET SITTING ROOM -- EVENING 2
SFX
VIOLIN OUT
WATSON
Hullo!
HOLMES
Watson!
WATSON
Good evening, Holmes.
HOLMES
Have a chair, will you. Wedlock
suits you. You have put on eight and
a half pounds since I saw you last.
WATSON
A mere eight I think.
HOLMES
Indeed? I should say your scales need
a calibration. And in practice again
I see! This evening's patient was by
the riverside I note.
WATSON
Ha! I should know better than to
ask, but how can you deduce this?
HOLMES
It is simplicity itself. A gentleman
walks into my rooms smelling of
iodoform, with the black mark of
silver nitrate on his right
forefinger, and a bulge in his left
overcoat pocket where he has secreted
his stethoscope ... Ah, Watson, I
would be dull indeed not to pronounce
such a man an active member of the
medical profession.
WATSON
Bravo Holmes! But the patient ...
surely --
HOLMES
There, inside your left shoe, I note
fresh scrape marks at the edges of
the sole where you have attempted to
remove mud, but enough remains to
identify. By its grey color I can
state with certainty that the mud in
which you trod is composed mostly of
common river silt.
WATSON
To hear you explain it, it seems so
ridiculously simple, Holmes. I fear
my eyes are not as good as yours.
HOLMES
You see, Watson, but you do not
observe.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 3
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
2 CONTINUED: 2
WATSON
Quite so, I am afraid.
HOLMES
Well, you have arrived at an
opportune moment to engage in some
observation. Have a look at this
envelope.
WATSON
It is addressed to you here. No note
of the sender. No postmark. Hand
delivered.
HOLMES
And the letter inside.
WATSON
Ah, yes. "There will call upon you
tonight, at a quarter to eight
o'clock, a gentleman who desires to
consult you upon a matter of import
and urgency to a great house of
Europe. You are known to be
trustworthy, this account we have
from all quarters received. Be in
your chamber at that hour, and do not
take it amiss if your visitor wears a
mask." This is indeed a mystery,
Holmes? What do you imagine it
means?
HOLMES
I have no data yet, and it is a
capital mistake to theorize before
one has data. We must not be tempted
to twist facts to suit theories.
Now, apart from the message, what
doyou deduce from the letter itself?
WATSON
It appears a man's hand. There is no
signature or monogram, so he is being
quite circumspect. By the quality of
the paper the gentleman is presumably
well-to-do. The stock is peculiarly
strong and stiff.
HOLMES
Peculiar -- that is the very word.
It is not an English paper at all.
Hold it up to the light.
WATSON
I see a watermark: Eg-P-Gt. The
maker I presume.
HOLMES
Not at all.
WATSON
No?
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 4
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
2 CONTINUED: (2) 2
HOLMES
No. G with the small t, a common
contraction, stands for Gesellschaft,
which is German for company. The P,
of course, is for papier. Now the
Eg, that is most interesting. I had
to refer to the Continental Gazetteer
for that. It stands for Egria,
located in Bohemia, noted for its
numerous glass factories and paper
mills. So, my good man, what do you
make of that?
WATSON
The paper was made in Bohemia.
HOLMES
Precisely. And the man who wrote it
is German.
WATSON
Really?
HOLMES
Yes. Note the peculiar construction
of the sentence "this account we have
from all quarters received." No
Frenchman or Russian would have
written that. No, only a German is
so uncourteous to his verbs.
SFX
HORSE CARRIAGE APPROACHES OUTSIDE
WATSON
What else?
HOLMES
What else, indeed. Who is this
German, who writes upon Bohemian
paper, and prefers to wear a mask
rather than show his face?
SFX
DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE (off). FOOTSTEPS
APPROACH
HOLMES
I believe we shall meet our
mysterious letter writer now.
WATSON
Shall I go then, Holmes?
HOLMES
Certainly not, Doctor. Stay where
you are. This promises to be most
interesting. It would be a pity for
you to miss it.
3 INT. BAKER STREET SITTING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 3
SFX
KNOCK ON DOOR
HOLMES
Come in.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 5
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
3 CONTINUED: 3
SFX
DOOR OPENS
KING W
You had my note? I told you I would
call.
HOLMES
Pray take a seat. This is my friend
and colleague, Dr. Watson, who is
occasionally good enough to help me
in my cases.
KING W
You may address me as the Count Von
Kramm of Bohemia. I would prefer if
we spoke alone.
HOLMES
I am sorry, but it is both of us or
none.
KING W
All right then. As this matter may
have an influence on European
history, I must bind you both to
absolute secrecy.
HOLMES
I promise.
WATSON
And I.
KING W
You excuse please the mask. The
august person who employs me wishes
his agent unknown to you. And I
confess also the title I gave is not
my own.
HOLMES
I was aware of that.
KING W
I am instructed to employ your
services for avoiding an immense
scandal ... a compromising of a
reigning family of Europe.
HOLMES
Am I to know the name of this
reigning family?
KING W
The matter implicates the great House
of Ormstein, hereditary kings of
Bohemia.
HOLMES
(pause) If Your Majesty, King Wilhem
Gottsreich von Ormstein of Bohemia
would proceed to state your case,
then I should be better able to
advise you.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 6
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3 CONTINUED: (2) 3
KING W
Wha-? Ah, Mr. Holmes, they said you
are clever. You are right. I am the
King! Why I should attempt
concealing it?
HOLMES
Why indeed.
KING W
You please understand, sirs, I am not
accustomed to doing such business in
person. Yet the matter ... so ...
delicate ... I dare not confide it to
another. Therefore, I come incognito
from Prauge for the purpose of
consulting you.
HOLMES
Then, pray consult.
KING W
The facts are briefly these: Some
five years ago, during a lengthy
visit to Warsaw, I made acquaintance
with the well-known American
adventuress Irene Adler. The name is
familiar to you?
HOLMES
Yes. At the time the Imperial Warsaw
Opera prima coloratura, no doubt?
KING W
This is true.
HOLMES
Watson?
WATSON
I believe she now resides in London.
KING W
This is also true.
HOLMES
And Your Majesty became entangled
with this adventuress lady, wrote her
some compromising letters, and is now
desirous of getting those letters
back?
KING W
Yes, but how --
HOLMES
Was there a secret marriage?
KING W
Absolutely not.
HOLMES
No legal papers or certificates?
KING W
Nein!
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 7
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3 CONTINUED: (3) 3
HOLMES
Then I fail to follow. If these
letters are produced for the purpose
of blackmailing Your Majesty, how is
she to prove authenticity?
KING W
There is the writing.
HOLMES
Bah! Forgery.
KING W
My private note paper.
HOLMES
Stolen.
KING W
My own seal.
HOLMES
Imitated.
KING W
My photograph.
HOLMES
Bought.
KING W
We are both in the photograph.
HOLMES
Oh, dear! Your Majesty has indeed
committed an indiscretion.
KING W
I was mad -- insane -- but such a
passion I could not control!
HOLMES
You have compromised yourself
seriously.
KING W
I was only Crown Prince then, young,
foolish ... but I tell you, no man
can resist such a beautiful and
remarkable woman.
HOLMES
The photograph must be recovered.
KING W
With it she will not part.
HOLMES
Your Majesty must pay. It must be
bought.
KING W
She will not sell.
HOLMES
Stolen, then.
KING W
Twice attempted. Once her luggage
diverted. Nothing. Burglars ransack
her London house. More nothing!
HOLMES
Do you know what she proposes to do
with the photograph?
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 8
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3 CONTINUED: (4) 3
KING W
Ruin me.
HOLMES
And how, precisely?
KING W
In three months I wed Clotilde
Lothman von Saxe-Meningen, second
daughter of the King of Scandinavia.
A marriage such as this ... my
conduct ... a mere shadow of doubt
would end the matter.
HOLMES
Are you sure she has yet to use the
photograph?
KING W
I am sure.
HOLMES
And why?
KING W
Because she said it would be sent to
certain newspapers on the day my
engagement is proclaimed to the
public. That will be Monday.
HOLMES
Oh, then we have three days yet.
That is very fortunate as I have one
or two matters of importance to look
into just at present.
KING W
But I --
SFX
CHAIR SCRAPE FLOOR
HOLMES
Your Majesty is staying in London?
KING W
Yes. At the Langham by the name
Count Von Kramm.
HOLMES
I shall drop a line to let you know
how we progress.
KING W
Could you not attend to this matter
presently?
HOLMES
I am sorry, no. But in due time,
Your Majesty. And as to money?
KING W
For the photograph, I would give a
province.
HOLMES
For present expenses.
SFX
SOUND OF BAG OF COINS STRIKING TABLE
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 9
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
3 CONTINUED: (5) 3
KING W
I have three hundred pounds in gold
... and seven hundred in notes.
HOLMES
And the mademoiselle's address?
KING W
Briony Lodge in St. John's Wood.
SFX
DOOR OPENS
HOLMES
Good night, Your Majesty, you shall
here from us shortly.
KING W
I anxiously await news, sir.
SFX
DOOR CLOSES
WATSON
One thousand pounds, Holmes!
HOLMES
Hmm? Ah, yes. Well, Watson, I have
some matters to attend to. If you
would be so kind as to return here
tomorrow at three o'clock. There
will be a task for us to accomplish.
WATSON
(fade out) Why, of course, I shall
see you tomorrow ...
SFX
MUSIC BRIDGE
4 INT. BAKER STREET SITTING ROOM -- AFTERNOON 4
SFX
CLOCK CHIMES FOUR O'CLOCK
WATSON
(to self) Late again, Holmes?
SFX
FAST FOOTSTEPS UP STAIRS AND DOOR
OPENS
HOLMES
Ah, Watson! Sorry to keep you
waiting, but I have had quite the
adventure. I am sure you cannot
guess how I have employed my time
today!
WATSON
By your interesting choice of dress,
I can see that you have been
portraying one of your characters ...
for the purpose of watching the
habits and house of Miss Adler, I
suspect.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 10
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4 CONTINUED: 4
HOLMES
Quite right! But the sequel was
rather unusual, as I am sure you will
agree. I left this morning in the
character of a stableman out of work.
There is a wonderful comraderie among
horse men. Be one of them and you
will know all there is to know.
*
I soon found Briony Lodge, a bijou
villa, garden at back, built out in
front to the road, two stories, large
sitting room to the right. Chubb
lock to the door, but preposterous
window fasteners which a child could
open.
*
I then strolled down to the mews and
there lent a hand to the other
carriage and stablemen, rubbing down
the horses, for which I received in
exchange twopence, two fills of shag
tobacco, and as much information as I
could desire about Miss Adler, to say
nothing of a half dozen other people
in the neighborhood in whom I was
completely unintersted.
WATSON
And what of Irene Adler?
HOLMES
To the men of the mews she is the
daintiest thing under a bonnet on
this planet. She lives quietly,
sings at concerts, drives out at five
every day, and is home at seven sharp
for dinner. Seldom goes out in the
evening unless it is to sing.
WATSON
Not quite the adventuress King Wilhem
described.
HOLMES
She has only one male visitor, but a
good deal of him. He often calls
twice a day, never less than once.
He is the lawyer Godfrey Norton of
Temple. See the advantages of the
cabman as a confidant?
WATSON
Indeed. But the involvement of a
lawyer in this matter sounds ominous,
Holmes.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 11
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4 CONTINUED: (2) 4
HOLMES
My thoughts exactly at the time.
What was the relationship between
them and what is the object of his
repeated visits? Had she transferred
the photograph to his keeping? I was
in this line of reasoning when ...
Ah, I fear I bore you with details,
Watson.
WATSON
Not at all! Pray continue.
HOLMES
It was just prior to noon, and over a
pipe, I sat contemplating turning my
attention to the gentleman's rooms in
Temple, when a hansom arrived. A
gentleman sprang out, calling for the
cabman to wait. He did knock at the
door, but then brushed past the maid
who opened it with the air of a man
who is thoroughly at home.
WATSON
Mr. Norton.
HOLMES
Yes. He was in the house about half
an hour and then emerged in more of a
flurry than before. He called to the
driver: "I must be at the Church of
St. Monica in the Edgeware Road
within thirty minutes. But first to
Regent Street."
*
Away they went. I wondered if I
would do well to follow him, when up
the lane came a neat little carriage,
with the coachman's coat but half
buttoned. Why, it hadn't even come
to a stop before she shot out the
door and darted into it. "The Church
of St. Monica, John, as fast as you
dare!" she cried.
*
This was quite too good to lose,
Watson. I dashed over to the street
and saw an empty cab. Before the
driver could object to such a shabby
fare, I jumped in and promised the
man half a sovereign if he reached
the church in less than twenty
minutes.
WATSON
My word!
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 12
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
4 CONTINUED: (3) 4
HOLMES
My cabbie drove fast. I don't think
I ever drove faster, but still the
others were there before us. I paid
the driver and hurried into the
church. There was not a soul there
save the two whom I had followed and
a clergyman at the altar. I quickly
sat in a pew and bowed my head, like
any idler who had dropped into
church. Suddenly, to my surprise,
the three turned and looked toward
me.
WATSON
No!
HOLMES
Godfrey Norton then came running
towards me shouting, "You! You
there!" And before I could duck out
the door, he had me by the arm.
WATSON
Holmes!
HOLMES
I, too, thought my plans seriously
menaced, that I had been recognized,
but no! By the arm I was pulled up
the aisle, Norton proclaiming "Come,
man, we've only three minutes!"
WATSON
Three minutes?
HOLMES
What came next was a blur to me. The
clergyman, now evidently satisfied
with the participants, then proceeded
to marry Irene Adler and Godfrey
Norton. It was done in an instant.
There I stood, Watson, a handsome
gentleman on one side, shaking my
hand, a very beautiful lady on the
other thanking me profusely, and a
clergyman beaming in front of me. My
arrival, it seems, just saved Mr.
Norton from dashing out to the street
in search of a best man to witness
the marriage! As we left the church,
the new bride said, "I shall return
to Briony and see you at the park at
five." Mr. Norton then left.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 13
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4 CONTINUED: (4) 4
HOLMES
The lovely Mrs. Norton then presented
me with this gold coin in thanks for
my service. I intend to wear it on
my watch chain in memory of the most
preposterous afternoon I ever have
spent!
WATSON
This is a very unexpected turn of
affairs, I must say.
HOLMES
Yes, but it simplifies the matter of
the photograph.
WATSON
In what way?
HOLMES
The photograph is double edged now.
Its publication would only risk her
happy marriage, too.
WATSON
Then the King has nothing to fear.
HOLMES
Perhaps not for the immediate time
being, but there is always the chance
of future demands. Therefore, I have
devised a way to retrieve it from her
house this very day.
WATSON
Her house was searched by the King's
agents.
HOLMES
Pshaw! They did not know where to
look.
WATSON
But you know.
HOLMES
I will not look.
WATSON
No?
HOLMES
She will show me.
WATSON
Surely she will refuse.
HOLMES
She will not be able to. Now, I
desire only some cold beef and a
glass of beer. Afterwards I have
some arrangements to see to, and I
could use your assistance, Doctor.
WATSON
I shall be delighted.
HOLMES
You don't mind breaking the law and
risking arrest?
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 14
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4 CONTINUED: (5) 4
WATSON
Not in a good cause.
HOLMES
I was sure that I might rely on you.
Now, if you would, take this note to
Harris Plumbers near Euston station.
The proprietor will give you a
package. Bring it to the head of the
lane at Briony Lodge where I will
meet you at precisely 6:55.
WATSON
(fade out) I will be there ...
SFX
MUSIC BRIDGE
5 EXT. BRIONY LODGE -- EVENING 5
SFX
CARRIAGE TO STOP
WATSON
(off) If you could wait here, my good
fellow, I shall be back shortly.
HOLMES
Watson! This way, we have but a few
moments.
SFX
FOOTSTEPS
WATSON
Holmes! You're dressed as a
clergyman?
HOLMES
An inspired choice given this
afternoon's events. You have the
package?
WATSON
Yes, of course.
HOLMES
Good. Everything is arranged. We but
await the imminent arrival of Miss
Adler, ah, Madame Norton. Now
Watson, there will be some commotion,
perhaps some slight unpleasantness,
but you must not interfere, you
understand?
WATSON
I am to be neutral?
HOLMES
To do nothing whatever. When it has
ended, I shall be conveyed into the
house. At this time position
yourself -- there -- at the base of
the window.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 15
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5 CONTINUED: 5
HOLMES
Inside I will ask for air to clear my
head, and the window will be opened
wide. In your pocket you have a self-
igniting plumber's smoke rocket. Pull
the cap, toss the rocket into the
room, and shout a warning of fire.
Others will quickly join in and carry
forward the alarm, while you return
to the top of the lane and await my
arrival. I hope I have made myself
clear?
WATSON
Perfectly. You may rely on me
completely.
SFX
CARRIAGE APPROACHING LOW
HOLMES
Excellent! I hear the lady's
carriage. I must prepare for my
role.
6 EXT. BRIONY LODGE -- CONTINUOUS 6
The following montage occurs: Holmes' footsteps run up the
lane. The carriage continues under. There is then a collage
of male voices (ad lib) "You there" "Watch out" "Hey There".
There is a clatter, horse neigh, and clop. Then: "He's been
struck" "Is he dead?" "No, unconscious."
7 EXT. BRIONY LODGE -- CONTINUOUS 7
IRENE
Oh, dear, man.
JOHN
I did not see him, ma'am.
VOICE 1
He can't lie in the street. May we
bring him in, ma'am?
IRENE
Yes, of course. John, help these
gentlemen to bring him to the sitting
room.
SFX
MUSIC BRIDGE
8 INT. BRIONY LODGE -- MOMENTS LATER 8
SFX
FOOTSTEPS FADE IN AS THEY ENTER THE
SITTING ROOM.
IRENE
Here, gentlemen, in here.
HOLMES
I am feeling fine, really, please. I
can stand. Ooooo.
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 16
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8 CONTINUED: 8
VOICE 1
Hang on there, vicar, you took a blow
to the head.
IRENE
Sit him down on the sofa.
HOLMES
Thank you, yes. Perhaps some fresh
air will help clear my head.
IRENE
Of course.
VOICE 1
I'll get the window, ma'am.
SFX
WINDOW SLIDES UP
HOLMES
You are too kind.
SFX
SOUND OF FLARE IGNITING A TOSS AND A
THUNK
9 EXT. BRIONY LODGE -- CONTINUOUS 9
SFX
MUSIC UP
WATSON
Fire! Fire!
ALL
Fire! Fire! Fire!
SFX
WATSON'S FOOTSTEPS AND BREATHING,
RUNNING UP LANE
WATSON
Hold one moment more, driver!
SFX
FADE UP HOLMES' RUNNING FOOTSTEPS
APPROACHING
HOLMES
Into the cab, Watson! Driver, the
Langham Hotel!
SFX
MUSIC BRIDGE FADE TO
10 INT. CARRIAGE -- MOMENTS LATER 10
SFX
CARRIAGE
HOLMES
You did splendidly, Doctor.
WATSON
You have the photograph?
HOLMES
(pats pocket) Safely tucked away for
presentation to the King.
WATSON
You were in the house so short a
time. How did you find it?
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 17
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10 CONTINUED: 10
HOLMES
She showed me, as I told you that she
would.
WATSON
I am still in the dark.
HOLMES
It is no mystery, my friend. You of
course saw that everyone on the
street was an accomplice?
WATSON
I guessed as much.
HOLMES
When her carriage came down the lane,
I stepped close and improvised being
struck. The cries of the crowd
reinforced the deception. I fell
down, and played injured. It is a
common trick used to extort money
from the gullible. But dressed in
the clothes of a common clergyman,
who would doubt?
WATSON
No one.
HOLMES
I was carried in to the sitting room
and asked for air. When the window
was opened you had your chance.
WATSON
Yes, but I thought it was to provide
distraction, a diversion while you
searched for the photograph.
HOLMES
Not at all. When a woman fears her
house afire, she will rush to the
thing she values most. A mother
grabs at her baby, a young woman her
jewel case. And our adventuress,
Irene Norton, rushes to retrieve ...
WATSON
The photograph!
HOLMES
The photograph. Exactly. In the
midst of the smoke and shouting, she
responded beautifully. I watched her
closely. Her eyes darted to the bell-
pull beside the fireplace mantle. As
she moved towards it, the carriage
driver interceded and hurried her
from the room. I then had my chance.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 18
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10 CONTINUED: (2) 10
HOLMES
Behind the bell-pull I found a loose
seam in the wallpaper, and there,
tucked in behind the paper I found
the photograph! I had barely time to
hide it in my breast pocket when the
driver returned to assist me, the
poor injured vicar. I think he was
quite surprised as I ran right past
him and out the front door.
WATSON
Well done, Holmes! The King will be
pleased.
HOLMES
Yes, he will. Our work is nearly
complete, Watson.
SFX
CARRIAGE SLOWS
DRIVER
(off) The Langham, gentleman.
11 EXT. THE LANGHAM HOTEL -- MOMENTS LATER 11
SFX
CARRIAGE STOPS, PASSENGERS DISEMBARK
HOLMES
Here you are driver.
SFX
CARRIAGE STARTS AND FADES
HOLMES
I have sent word ahead that we would
be here with news for Count Von
Kramm. I suspect we --.
SFX
FOOTSTEPS UP
VOICE 2
Good-night, Mister Sherlock Holmes.
SFX
FOOTSTEPS OUT
WATSON
Who was that gentleman?
HOLMES
I don't know, but the voice is
familiar to me. No matter. Come
Watson ...
SFX
MUSIC BRIDGE
12 INT. KING WILHELM'S ROOM -- LATER 12
SFX
DOOR KNOCK, OPENS AND CLOSES
HOLMES
Good evening, Your Majesty.
KING W
You have news for me, Mr. Holmes?
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 19
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
12 CONTINUED: 12
HOLMES
More than that. We have retrieved
your photograph.
KING W
Splendid!
HOLMES
There is other news as well.
KING W
Ja?
HOLMES
Irene Adler is married.
KING W
Married! When?
HOLMES
Yesterday.
KING W
But to whom?
WATSON
To an English lawyer named Norton,
Your Majesty.
KING W
But she could not love him.
HOLMES
I am in hopes that she does.
KING W
Why?
HOLMES
Because a woman who loves her husband
does not love Your Majesty and
therefore is not likely to interfere
with any of Your Majesty's future
plans.
KING W
Yes, I see. If she had only been of
my station. What a queen she would
have made. May I have the
photograph?
HOLMES
Of course.
SFX
ENVELOPE OPENS
KING W
(pause) Are you having a joke, sir?!
HOLMES
I'm sorry?
KING W
If so, this is not amusing.
HOLMES
That is the photograph retrieved from
the house of Irene Adler.
KING W
But there is no man in this
photograph, only her!
HOLMES
What!
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 20
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
12 CONTINUED: (2) 12
WATSON
By jove!
KING W
Explain yourself!
HOLMES
Your Majesty, I have not an
explanation, but we shall have one at
once. Come, it is time we spoke with
the former Miss Adler.
SFX
MUSIC BRIDGE
13 INT. BRIONY LODGE -- LATER 13
SFX
DOOR KNOCK (pause) DOOR OPENS
MAID
Mr. Sherlock Holmes, I believe?
HOLMES
I am Mr. Holmes.
MAID
My mistress told me that you were
likely to call this evening. She has
left with her new husband for the
Continent.
HOLMES
She has left England?
MAID
Yes, sir.
KING W
The photograph! All is lost.
HOLMES
Perhaps not (pushes past maid).
MAID
I say, excuse me, sir?
14 INT. BRIONY LODGE -- MOMENTS LATER 14
SFX
FOOTSTEPS
HOLMES
It was ... HERE! I say ...
WATSON
What is it, Holmes?
HOLMES
Where earlier the photograph was
hidden, I now find a note ...
addressed to me.
WATSON
Indeed.
SFX
ENVELOPE OPENS
KING W
Gentlemen, what is the meaning of
this?
WATSON
Your note, Holmes? Pray, what does
it say?
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 21
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
14 CONTINUED: 14
KING W
I demand an explanation!
HOLMES
One moment ... ahhh ... remarkable
... truly remarkable ... here ...
read it.
WATSON
"My Dear Mr. (fade out) Sherlock
Holmes ..."
15 INT. KING WILHELM'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 15
IRENE
(fade up) Sherlock Holmes. Allow me
to commend your performance. Until
the alarm of fire, I was taken in
completely. You had done so well,
that I admit, I did nearly betray
myself ... but at the last moment, I
managed to restrain my impulses.
*
Remember, I too am an actress, and
after I noted your keen observation
of my actions, I engaged in a little
play acting, just as you had done, to
divert your attention where I wished.
*
Then as I stood outside my house, I
wondered if you had been misled, and
if you had found what you thought was
the desired item.
*
Well, I did not wait long before the
poor, injured vicar came racing
through the front door and up the
lane ... a most miraculous healing I
must say!
*
And as you have by now viewed the
photograph taken from my sitting
room, you realize I was quite
prepared to deceive anyone who sought
to retrieve that other item against
my will.
*
My ruse successful, I was prepared to
let you go, but I was seized by the
sudden notion that the vicar in my
sitting room was the very same
stableman who had stood at my wedding
not hours before. How could this be?
It was most stimulating!
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 22
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
15 CONTINUED: 15
*
I could not resist, I simply had to
know the true identity of such a
formidable antagonist. I quickly
summoned my carriage with the purpose
of following you.
*
As our two coaches crossed town, I
thought hard on what had transpired
this day and concluded that if a
certain gentleman were to employ an
agent -- to seek a certain item --
and this person, twice in disguise,
could fool me: Why, it could only be
the celebrated Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
*
I was sure you had set out to meet
with this certain gentleman. As the
gentleman's habits are well known to
me, your destination could be none
other than the Langham Hotel.
*
With this knowledge I was able to
stop at the head of the hotel drive,
while you proceeded on towards the
grand entry way. This allowed me
time to don my driver's overcoat,
hurry down the sidewalk, and arrive
just in time to wish you an impudent
"Good night, Mr. Sherlock Holmes".
*
I then returned home, penned this
note, and left to meet my husband and
embark this very night on our
honeymoon. Therefore, when you
arrive, you will find the nest empty.
*
You may tell your client that he has
nothing to fear from me. So that he
waste no more effort in this matter,
I willingly part with what was but a
momento of a once fine man. But now,
may he know that I love and am loved
by a better man than he.
*
I remain, dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes,
very truly yours, Irene Norton, nee
Adler (fade out)
16 INT. KING WILHELM'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 16
WATSON
(fade up) ... nee Adler. Amazing!
(CONTINUED)
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A Scandal in Bohemia -- FINAL p. 23
c. 2002 One Act Audio Theatre
16 CONTINUED: 16
HOLMES
This is for you, Your Majesty.
KING W
Mein Gott! It is the photograph! I
do not understand this.
HOLMES
She had us both, Your Majesty, and
has shown mercy. She out-thought and
out-witted us both; yet even with the
upper hand, she has capitulated.
KING W
What a woman! Would she not have
made an admirable queen! Pity she
was not on my level.
HOLMES
Yes, it appears that she is indeed on
a very different level to Your
Majesty.
KING W
Thank you, Mr. Holmes. I have what I
sought after. I am indebted to you.
How can I reward you. This ring --"
HOLMES
Your Majesty has something which I
should value even more highly.
KING W
Name it!
HOLMES
The other photograph. The one I took
from here earlier.
KING W
Irene's photograph? Certainly, if
you wish it. Here, it is yours.
HOLMES
I thank Your Majesty. Then there is
no more to be done in the matter, and
I have the honor to wish you a very
good morning.
SFX
FOOTSTEPS UP AND OUT, DOOR OPENS
KING W
Ha! I believe your friend, like so
many, has been smitten by that
astonishing woman.
WATSON
As improbable as that seems to me,
Your Majesty, I do believe you are
right.
SFX
MUSIC UP
END
One Act Audio Theatre
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