One Act Audio Theatre presents

GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY

“Shakespeare at the Globe”

CAST

NARRATOR

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

THE MANAGER OF THE GLOBE THEATRE

MUSIC: PRETENTIOUS, MARCH-OF-TIME TYPE THEME, UP AND under

NARRATOR: The One Act Players Present: Great Moments in History!

music: theme fades

NARRATOR: London, 1595. The Globe Theatre.

sfx: KNOCK AND door opens

MANAGER: Will, how are you? Good to see you. Come in, come in.

sfx: door closes; footsteps, chair scrapes wooden floor

MANAGER: I’ve just been reading over your latest, this Romeo and Julius.

SHAKESPEARE: Juliet. Romeo and Juliet.

MANAGER: That’s the one. I’m sure we can find a slot for it here at the Globe.

SHAKESPEARE: Thank you.

MANAGER: Just wanted to go over a few things.

SHAKESPEARE: All right.

MANAGER: Like I said, I read this over, and some great stuff in here, great stuff. Sword fights, people getting stabbed. It looks like you’ve got the teen angle covered pretty good … great for the opening weekend numbers. But …

SHAKESPEARE: Yes?

MANAGER: Well, I’m thinking about that Shrew thing you did a couple seasons back. Remember?

SHAKESPEARE: I do indeed. “No profit grows where is no pleasure taken.”

MANAGER: Quite right! Made a tidy profit on that one! And do you know why, Will?

SHAKESPEARE: Well, if I may be less than humble, my carefully woven interplay between --

MANAGER: Yes! Yes! A lot of slapstick, funny insults, and pretty girls getting smacked on the fanny – that’s what Shrew had – the real crowd-pleasing stuff. I don’t see any of that in this Romeo and Julio thing.

SHAKESPEARE: It’s a tragedy.

MANAGER: Oh, Will, don’t be so hard on yourself. A couple changes here and there, and you’d really have something.

SHAKESPEARE: Have something?! That is NOT what --

MANAGER: Look here for example. This balcony thing where he’s in the garden and she comes out on the balcony. Just read that, right there.

SHAKESPEARE: “But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and Juliet is the sun. Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon--- ”

MANAGER: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly! I’m sure you get the idea, Will.

SHAKESPEARE: I’m not sure I do.

MANAGER: Really? It’s just that nobody talks like that. I mean who talks like that? When was the last time you heard anyone in the pub start a sentence, “But soft”?

SHAKESPEARE: Well, I don’t --

MANAGER: Never, that’s when. And the sun killing the moon … (sigh) … the groundlings will never sit still for that kind of guff. You’ve got to keep things moving. Look, I took the liberty—just a little rewrite. Here, read this. She comes out on the balcony, and he says--

SHAKESPEARE: “Hi-ya, toots, you’re looking hot.”

MANAGER: See? It moves things along.

SHAKESPEARE: “Hi-ya, toots, you’re looking hot”?! I have NEVER been so insulted …

MANAGER: Hey, Will … Billy baby, calm down. You’re the writer. We all know that. But we gotta think box office, am I right?

SHAKESPEARE: Ummm

MANAGER: Of course I’m right. Here’s another place, where the Romeo kid’s blabberin’ more of that gibberish.

SHAKESPEARE: “He jests at scars who never felt a wound.” That most certainly is not gibberish, sir. It speaks plainly to --

MANAGER Sure, sure, it speaks, but it’s not so easy to say. I’m thinking maybe something like, “Oh yeah? What the hell do you know?” Just punch it up a bit, get it?

SHAKESPEARE: Uhhhh.

MANAGER: I’m sure you can fix it up for me.

SHAKESPEARE: Well, I suppose I could, but --

MANAGER: Good! Thanks for coming in, Will.

SHAKESPEARE: I see how this works. Fine.

SFX: CHAIR FOOTSTEPS DOOR OPENS

MANAGER: Oh! I almost forgot! They all die at the end.

SHAKESPEARE: Uh, yes … that’s why it’s a tragedy --

MANAGER: But that just kills the sequel don’t it … if you’ll pardon the pun! It might be better if they were to … (fade under music)

music: pretentious theme up and under

NARRATOR: Tune in again for more Great Moments in History!

music: theme up and out.

end

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