One Act
Audio Theatre presents
CAST
Narrator
Eddie,
a caveman (homo habilis)
Sol, an
old cavemen (homo habilis)
Roxy, a
old cavewoman (homo habilis)
Bob, a
slightly more evolved caveman (homo erectus)
MUSIC:
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY THEME
NARRATOR: The One Act Players Present: Great
Moments in History!
music:
theme fades
NARRATOR: Plains of the Serengeti, 1 million
500,000 BC
SFX::
Outdoor ambiance: birds, rustling leaves, etc. under
SOL:
Here, you want this one?
ROXY: What, you don’t want it?
SOL:
Nah, more than six legs, they give me gas.
ROXY: Thanks. (mouth full, chewing). Hey,
who’s that coming?
SOL:
Looks like Eddie
ROXY: He looks different.
EDDIE: Hi-ya, Roxy. Hey-ya, Sol.
SOL
& ROXY: Hi.
EDDIE: Notice anything different?
ROXY: You lost weight.
EDDIE: Nooooo …
SOL:
Haircut?
EDDIE: Nooooo … I’m standing upright!
(a
beat)
ROXY: That’s nice.
SOL:
I should care?
EDDIE: It’s my latest invention—
SOL:
Ha! Just like your “tools” invention? I still got a blister here on my chiposable
… disposable …
EDDIE: Your opposable thumb.
SOL:
Yeah, the fat stumpy on. God! It’s killing me! “Tools”! Pppphhh!
EDDIE: But you couldn’t get at those fat,
juicy termite grubs without the tools, right?
SOL:
Nnnnnhhhhh …
ROXY: He’s right, Sol.
EDDIE: And this is even better, Sol. Up here, you can look around. You can see everything.
SOL:
(sigh) Eddie, what’s there to see?
Volcanoes. Volcanoes and sky.
ROXY: I seen a butterfly once.
SOL:
Yeah?
ROXY: Yeah. It was real pretty, all pink and yellow, and blue, fluttering around
all delicate and fine. Tasted pretty
good, too.
SOL:
Yeah, I heard they were good eating.
EDDIE: Doesn’t anybody care about this? Standing upright is a major advancement!
SOL:
Like coming down from the trees? Remember that idea of yours, Eddie?
EDDIE: That has been a major advancement.
SOL:
We used to eat fruit, and now we eat bugs.
ROXY: The fruit was nice.
SOL:
And up in the trees we were safe.
Now we get chased by tigers and armadillos and that really big ugly
one Mega … Mega --
EDDIE: Megatherium.
SOL:
Yeah. So, Eddie, I’m thinking maybe you didn’t think
that tree thing through so good. And
now you got this new idea --
EDDIE: This is different, Sol.
This is really --
SFX:
klonk
EDDIE: Ow!
ROXY:
What’s the matter?
EDDIE: I hit my head on this tree branch
here.
SOL:
(mocking) “You can see everything from up here!”
EDDIE: Just an accident. I was too busy talking and --
SFX:
klonk
EDDIE: Ow!
SFX:
klonk THEN furious buzzing OF HORNETS
EDDIE: Ow! Ow! Ow! (etc)
SFX: Running footsteps fading away, eddie’s cries
fading away, buzzing fading away under & BACK UP AGAIN, MUCH CRASHING
ABOUT THEN FADES AWAY.
SOL:
There goes the neighborhood, I tell you.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
BOB:
(yelling) Ahhhh would ya look at
this! Homo Habilis still crawling
around in the mud!
SOL:
Who are you?
BOB:
Homo Erectus. Three caves down. We’ve been bipedal for a couple months now,
you know.
SOL:
Woo-Hoo. How’s the head?!
BOB:
But walking upright’s nothing. Fire’s
where it’s at these days.
ROXY
& SOL: Fire?
BOB:
Ohhhh yeah … if you really want to consider yourself evolved, you gotta
master fire.
SOL:
Sounds stupid, if you ask me.
EDDIE
RETURNS, BUZZING UP
BOB:
Like you’re some exp -- Hey! Watch it, hornet head! (joining Eddie) Ow! Ow! …
MUCH
CRASHING ABOUT
ROXY: Oh, look here, Sol … termite grubs!
You want some?
SOL:
Naahh … I lost my appetite.
EDDIE
& BOB & BUZZING FADES OUT
SOL:
You know, Roxy, the future … it don’t look too bright.
NARRATOR: Tune in again for another Great Moment
in History!
music:
theme up and out.